Sunday, January 10, 2010

Well, it's a New Year and.....

I'd like to start off this post by saying Happy New Year... and it was until January eight. Oh, January eight started off great, as it is my second daughter, Rachel's, birthday, her "sweet sixteen" birthday this year! So it was a great day until sometime in the afternoon when I got a phone call from my mom asking me to pray for my brother, Steve, who hadn't been feeling well since the day before, had gone to ER the night before, in fact, and got sent home even though he was in extreme debilitating pain, because for some reason they couldn't figure out what was wrong. So Friday afternoon, Lexi, my seventeen year old niece, called my mom because she couldn't wake her dad up. Needless to say, 911 was called, my brother was rushed back to the hospital, and then the next phone call came. The one that has changed our lives forever. My brother was dead. Five days before his 46th birthday, my ornery, hard-headed, stubborn, fun-loving, story-telling, life-of-the-party brother was dead. "NO!" I said! This just can't BE! Not MY brother! It must be somebody else's brother because mine couldn't possibly have died! But it's true. The shock is starting to wear off and reality is setting in. My brother is gone. He leaves behind three kids, Lexi, Brock & Bryce. He was a single dad to them, the one constant in their lives. I want to scream, "Where are you, God?! Is it not enough that we've been going through the "storm" of no income and the possibility of losing our house? Is it not enough that my husband has been having to deal with extremely painful kidney stones while he's desperately trying to find a way to support us again. Is it not enough that our appliances keep breaking down, our car doesn't run right, and now THIS?! And what about my niece and nephews? They don't DESERVE this kind of pain!" Yep, that's what I might say, but what I"ll say instead is, "Jesus, I trust You! I trust You, yes I trust You!" He will sustain us through this. I don't know how, and I certainly don't know why we're having to endure all this, but I'm learning to trust Him more and more through this huge storm we are in the midst of! 1 Peter 1:6-7 says: "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." James 1:2 says to "consider it pure joy" when we face trials. Well, to be honest, I'm working on that one. I'm not feeling too joyful right now. I still can't believe that my brother is gone and that his kids are pretty much parentless now. In fact, the tears come quite often, and I'm still wishing I could just wake up and have this all be a bad dream! But the reality is, is that we'll be leaving on my brother's birthday this Wednesday, to travel up to his funeral. I HATE that! I hate that I won't get to tell him one last time that I love him, or give him one last hug! I hate that I'm going to get there and most likely sit down and cry with my mom and with my niece and nephews. I hate all this! But somehow I will get through this, not on my own, but with the One who knew the number of Steve's days before he was even born. With the One who I know loves us with an everlasting love, with the One who, even though I don't see it now, has the perfet plan going on for us. But in the meantime, I will miss my brother and I look forward to the day when I will see him again and then it will be even better because we won't be parted by miles, and there won't be the stresses in our lives that have made life so difficult, and we'll have eternity to to talk it all out! Whew! I am SO glad for that hope!


  1. I'm so sorry for your family's loss, Pam. I didn't realize that it happened on your daughters 16th birthday. Praying for comfort on her heart too.

  2. Pam,
    I'm so sorry for your loss. I didn't realize that this happened on Rachel's 16th birthday. I'm praying for your family. I am at a total loss for what else I could say, because I imagine your sorrow must be profound.